...recovering from a case of Roland Emmerich

I've just returned from seeing 2012

When I heard about the film, and even after I saw the terrible trailer, I really wanted to see 2012.
No one else I asked was that impressed or that bothered about it.

I loved 'The Day After, Tomorrow, Day', or whatever it was called. No, really, I thought it was a good yarn.

Even 'Independence Day' was a good bit of fluff too. Not as good as 'The Day After...' but what is?

So, yeah, I was actually excited to see 2012.....

.....but what a load of shit!
Really, it's the worst piece of contradictory, anti-humanity, Sony Vaio, Seal of the President, US flag waving nonsense. Ever in the history of completely shit films. Ever
And 3 hours of it as well, who the hell was the editor? Roland's mother?

Right, where to start this bashing?

• John Cusack's character is a deadbeat-dad, who just happens to be the tardy chaffeur to one of the richest men in the world, and in a 2 year old stretched Lincoln, really?
• His ex-wife's new husband is a plastic surgeon in Hollywood, yet only drives a Porsche Caymen. He must be the crappest surgeon in LA, by far
• All the 'best' people worth saving, are old, like the Queen and Duke of Edinburgh, and on the American ship, 10 men to every women, really?
• The moral to come out of the film, well, the main one I picked up, don't be a good guy, you die and no-one really cares, look what happened to Gordon, or the chess playing Indian kid and his parents, Sacha, the sexy Antonov pilot, that blond Paris Hilton lookalike, Woody Harrelson, the President. Yet mofos like Oliver Platt's character, the rich twins, deadbeat John Cusack, many other mofos besides are aboard the ship, and thus survive the end of the world.
• It's not his Bentley, but that Russian Oligarch could start it using is voice. Can anyone start a Bentley just by mumbling 'engine start' in a very deep voice?
• You can take off from anything if you say 'there's just not enough runway' even if you're not at the needed speed for lift.
• Stretched Lincoln limos can snap their chassis you know, Roland. They're not the best built cars even before they've been extended (by some chop-shop in an industrial unit just off the main street, in some 'city' in Southern California).
• Roland, stop and count how many times you plug John Cusack's character's book, it got really tedious. Actually, I got up to go to the toilet 3/4s the way though, not because I needed too but because the whole film was getting tedious, really tedious.
• Also, the overhead shot of the limo escaping the suburbs, I thought special effects had movedon since Streetfighter2, the video game, on the Amiga.

So all in all, yeah it was not as good as 'The Day After' and still not as good as staying in and watching cheese turn to mould.

That concludes my review of 2012.

Next week, I'll be watching Robert Downey Jr as Sherlock Holmes, wow, how good was his English accent, he's going down in history with the likes of Depp, Van Dyck and Joe Swash as the most twatiest cockney this side of err, Jude Law?